Happy Birthday Paris

Paris Hilton celebrated her 27th Birthday by performing with the Pussycat Dolls at Pure Nightclub in Vegas. She's 27, right? Hell I don't know how old she is.

Don't ask me why I posted this picture of her enormous feet. I figured there was really no difference between that and her face.

The Newest Paris Recruit

"I'm going to show you how to suck a dirty cock"


"Come on Kristin, if you really want to be part of the club you need to blow this mic."

Paris Hilton has found her next party buddy in the form of Kristin Cavalleri. Not Kristin! I thought Kristin was smarter than that. Actually no, I take that back. She probably likes hanging out with Paris because, like, she's all tan and stuff.

Source: TMZ

Paris Speaks to Lindsay

The bitter rivalry between Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton has gone to a different level. Paris is literally speaking to Lindsay out of her ass.

"Lindsay recently tried to make peace with Paris, leaving voicemails explaining that she wanted to call a truce. But Paris refused to call back. Finally she responded in her usual classy way, The National Enquirer reports.

“She had her assistant call Lindsay and leave farting sounds on her voicemail,” an Enquirer spy claims."

Not a big deal to me. I think farting is a great way of interacting with people. I greet alot of my friends by farting. "Hi Cindy!" "Oh hey bitch, *pfffffffrrrrrttttttt*"

These two classy ladies are feuding because they both wanted Timbaland to work on their albums. BWAH! I doubt he would give either the time of day.

Those two should join Heidi on the list of people who have no business in the music industry.



Source: Popcrunch

Keeping the Family Tradition Alive

Most people wait until they get some fame before they start boosting their notoriety with the drugs and DUI's. However Barron Hilton, little brother to Paris, wasted no time. This little fucker cut to the chase and went right down to business.

At only 18 years old, Barron was pulled over by the po po at 8:30AM with a blood alcohol level of .14. Who the fuck is drunk that early in the morning? I don't know, but so far I'm very impressed by this Hollywood hopeful.

Barron's folks refused to bail him out, because they are all about the tough love shit. The same way they were with Paris when Kathy Hilton heckled the judge for giving her little princess a 45 day sentence for her DUI.

Along with the other allegations: Barron used a fake ID when pulled over by the cops, so he may face felony charges on top of the misdemeanor DUI. Aye, these amateurs.

He also reportedly ran over a gas station attendant, but I don't really care to talk about that because I ran out of Hilton juice. There's only so much I can say before I get a migraine.

With all this said, I think Barron has potential to be Britney's replacement. All I need now is a failed rehab stint and I'm good to go.


Source: TMZ

It's Never Winter in Paris

Here is Paris Hilton looking very orange at the premiere of "The Hottie & The Nottie", which is the stupidest title of a movie I've heard in quite some time.

I don't understand why these girls like to look orange. A little self-tanner goes a long way.

Now here is Christine Lakin, aka the girl that plays the Nottie. I had to look it up on the Internet Movie Database because I couldn't believe this girl could be made that ugly.

She is looking pretty smoking, and you know Paris is just dying to make out with her. Elisha is gonna be jealous!

Paris and Jared Make Sexy Time

This picture is hilarious to me, only because this has almost given cyberspace a heart attack. Everyone is crying over the fact that Jared Leto is kissing the skank that is Paris Hilton, but as the mother whore, I am proud to say that she has finally hooked up with someone that isn't a trust fund baby/delivery boy/media whore/girls gone wild douche nozzle.

I'm no supporter of Jared Leto since he's gone Emo on me. However I think back to "My So-Called Life" and I fall in love again. He's a fucking hot piece of ass, and not a bad singer. Yes, I lean towards ugly music sometimes, but at least I admit it!

Source

Paris in Park City

Mormon boys be on the lookout! My other favorite slut, Paris Hilton, has arrived and she's coming for you!

Upon arrival, Paris and her sissy wasted little time and immediately started partying at Stereo NYC Lounge. They were later seen at Tao's Myspace party, where former BFF Kim Kardashian was also present. That must have been comfortable.

Paris was reportedly hooking up with Simon Rex at some random house party, according to Evil Beet Gossip.

Eww, Simon Rex? I miss the Pizza Boy now!

Ewwww!!!!

The illustration above me literally looks like something I would crap out in the morning after a long night of booze and nachos, and I'm being dead serious.

Source: Gallery of the Absurd

Paris and...Brody??? D-R-A-M-A !!!!!

TMZ has this pic of Paris Hilton and Brody Jenner of what looks like a lip lock. What the duck? What will Lauren think? Wait, what will Kristin think? Will we see this on the new season of "The Hills"? Wait, does this mean Paris will join "The Hills" too? Wait, isn't Brody Kim Kardashian's stepbrother? Aren't Kim and Paris on the outs?! OMG this is like totally so much drama!!! "The Hills" and "The Get Along Gang" crossover!!! This is genius! I am going to die in reality heaven if this came true. Stay Tuned!

K Fed and the Get-Along Gang

K Fed was partying it up at LAX in Las Vegas. Along with him were two other media whores, Brody Jenner, Frankie Delgado (why is he a celebrity?), and Paris Hilton.

WAIT A MINUTE!!! Does this mean that K Fed is going to be on "The Hills?" Everyone that Brody seems to hang out with ends up on that fucking show.

So here's a video of K Federdizzle and the Gang having a good time, till Kevin decides to clear the room by singing.



Sources: TMZ Pic: Dlisted

It's About Time!

I can't believe I've written over fifty posts and not one of them is about Paris Hilton. It's basically world knowledge that this idiot has shamed her grandpa, Barron Hilton, who feels Paris tarnished the family name with her antics over the years. Therefore, he is planning to donate 97% of his fortune to charity. Paris was supposed to get an estimated 28 million.

Justice at last! I don't have a problem with Paris, but I have a problem with trust fund babies. Most of the ones I have known or encountered make you feel like you should bow to them and kiss their feet for accomplishing absolutely nothing! That's why I hate going to Hollywood, because they are full of spoiled cunts.
Actually, it's just the North and South that I hate. West Hollywood is cool, because it's full of happy gays. Seriously, it really feels like I've stepped into Rainbow Land, where Sprite and the Color Kids await me for a fun night of dancing.

With that being said, I hope parents around the world follow Barron's example and make their kids work harder to earn their possessions. Most rich kids are assholes anyway, so why the fuck do they deserve a free lunch? Make those little fuckers work for their change, god damn it!