Are You Looking For Me?

Probably not, but if you are, I went here.

It Doesn't Always Pay To Be Honest

And this clip from "Moment of Truth" is proof of that. Just watch as the contestant's ex-boyfriend asks if she feels they should be married. Bonus: Her husband and Family are with her too. It gets better after that, and you will be shocked at the outcome!

He's Fucking Ben Affleck!

This is far more hilarious than Sarah Silverman's rendition of "I'm Fucking Matt Damon." It was good, don't get me wrong, but this one takes the cake. The cameo of Papa Smurf as the Fed Ex guy was priceless!

Getting Lazy

While some people when out to actually buy their dresses, Anne Hathaway decided to just cover herself with her fine luxury drapes. She's so clever, this one. I would totally do the same thing.

Here is Nicole Kidman wearing a chandelier around her neck. I don't know what happened here, but it looks like she waited the last minute to score some jewelry but the other actresses got the better pieces first. At least its on her and not on Angelina Jolie, because she would probably collapse again with all that weight on her neck.

My body heat just went from zero to eighty at the sight of this hot, dirty looking piece. He looks like the type that would slap my ass repeatedly and call me a dirty whore while fingered my ass and devours me with those sinful looking eyes. If he says the word "fuck" tonight I'm totally dead.

He Makes Me Nervous!

I had the biggest crush on Jason Bateman since that damn show "Just a Little More Love". It was in the 80's for those of you 18 and under. Anyway, he was one of those guys that was so smoldering, it makes you nervous just to look at him. Well the only thing that's changed is the time passed, because I still don't have the guts to look at this picture. It's that intense stare that makes you wanna say, "Get your eyes off of me!".

You Can't Always Look Glamorous

Jennifer Garner was house hunting in Venice Beach not too long ago, and I think she might have spent too much time with the hobo's there, because this is clearly out of the Hippie Haven collection. Either that or she's a fan of Helen Bonham Carter's fashions. Either way, this is simply not like my Jen. She usually looks so ravishing but she struck out this time. Where the hell is Ben Affleck?

Diaz Miho!

My favorite roach repellent, Cameron Diaz, is also gracing us with her gorgeous presence at the Oscars today. The dress is very basic and boring, and that hideous smile always scares the shit out of me. If I had the dough I would pay her to just keep her mouth closed. It's too much for me. It reminds me of all those evil clown nightmares I had as a child.

Clooney And His Mannequin

Here is George Clooney with his life sized doll, Sarah Larson. I hope and pray bore is not the one to win his heart. Just by looking at her I can tell she does exactly what she's told. If Clooney told her to jump, she will bring out the trampoline and say how high. Everytime I see her she just stands there and giggles like Japanese school children. Now that I think about it, this is probably exactly what George needs. He needs a dumb broad so that he can go out and do what he damn pleases. Go George!

Thar She Blows

Why, here is my favorite grumpy Latina, Jessica Alba, looking stunning in that purple frock she's wearing. Okay, what's wrong with me today? I need to find some fashion disasters, not decent shit. I hate it when celebs make me say nice things.

I Never Knew What Exactly He Was Cooking

But I know what's cooking between my legs right now, because Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is at the Oscars right now teasing me with a good time. I mean hot damn he's fine.

Did She Run Out Of Self-Tanner?

Shock! For once Katie Price does not look like an orange creamsicle cake. In fact, she looks rather nice. I even like the shoes.

Ha! This impostor doesn't fool me! The real Katie Price would have showed up fully bathed in self-tanner and whoreishness.

Midnite Munchies

I will totally go lesbian for Megan Fox - WWTDD

Madonna and Prince are hosting competing Oscar parties - Celebitchy

A first look at the spawn of J Lo - The Fug

Steve Martin and Tina Fey SNL video - Popcrunch

Eva Mendes is out of rehab already? - The Rad Report

Million Dollar shoes, and I wish I was kidding - Dlisted

My favorite Showgirl emerges - Mollygood

Repeat Offender!

Kim Kardashian wore that dress twice this week! Scandal! Don't celebrities usually wear clothes once and throw it away or something like that?

Here is another pictures of Kim earlier this week...

It might have been the same day, but I doubt it. I'll believe whatever I want if it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

I'm staring at that dress and I'm thinking, wow. The only way I can imagine her is just naked. She should just accept the fact she is destined to be a gonzo porn goddess.

Happy Be-Lated Birthday

I am a terrible Drew Barrymore fan. Her birthday was Thursday and I didn't even acknowledge it here. Shame, shame on me. Well I'm a commentator, not a reporter.

Here is Drew in Beverly Hills. She was with that dork boyfriend of hers, and I'm not saying that in a bad way.

She Actually Does Not Look Creepy

BWAH! This is Meg Ryan at the Spirit Awards, and she actually looks kinda cute. Of course I love the glasses because they are just like mine, and girls that wear glasses rock.

It Still Looks Hot

Sorry for the lack of posts today, but I've been pulling my hair out trying to transfer this site to its own domain. That's right, I'm going for the big times. I'm sick of that "hooker" url and need a change, but it's proven to be a much bigger project than I thought it would be.

A big shout out to Ammo Bob for helping me out with all this. He has the patience of a saint to put up with all my stupid questions and hissy fits.

Anywho, Ellen Page won more than just an award today, but a hot smooch with that hot bitch Matt Dillion. That girl is 19 and he's like 100. That's okay though. It still looks hot. It actually sort of turned me on a little.

BUMP!

There is no question now whether Angie is pregnant. She was absolutely glowing at the Spirit Awards today with long time lover Papa Smurf. You see, I was trying to act like a serious reporter back there, and it goes to show I can never be serious about anything, even for dumb things like this.

I'm a little nervous for Angie and the fact she is carrying twins. That woman doesn't look like she can carry anything. It's no wonder she collapsed a few days ago, she's already starting to topple over.

On a serious note, nobody wears the pregnant quite like Angelina. J Lo only wished she looked this hot when she was knocked up.

Britney Speas Reunion With Sean And JJ

JJ: Save us, Sean!

Britney Spears has reunited with her chilrens today. Jamie Spears and a shrink have to be present for the visit at all times.

Well, I hope it goes well. I know how hard that must be to not be able to see your kids for so long. Hopefully she won't fuck it up this time.

Extended Sex and the City Trailer

Yes, I'm slacking big time with the blog lately, this I know. I will be here all day today, so dry your tears. Here is the Extended version of the Sex and the City trailer.

I cannot wait for this movie to come out. There are already talks of a sequel, and I don't know if I want to see fifty something's in a movie title that has "Sex" in at. Oh who am I kidding?! I'm totally down with the grammy's and pappy's!!!

Drunk...Again....

The above picture has nothing to do with Lindsay Lohan. It has alot more to do with me and how drunk I am. Therefore, this will be my first and last post today. That's it, I can't even think or type right now. Shut up, be glad I gave you the courtesy of telling you my mind is going to Mars right now.